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Extemp Humor (Page 4)


Page 1, Top 10 lists

Page 2, Stupid Quotations by politicians

Page 3, More Stupid Quotations by politicians

CHSSA Parody

"The problem with the SonyBMG situation is that the technology they used contained a security vulnerability of which they were unaware. They have apologized for their mistake, ceased manufacture of CDs with that technology,and pulled CDs with that technology from store shelves. Seems very responsible to me."

- Cary Sherman, RIAA (interview text at: http://www.malbela.com/blog/archives/000375.html)


" We all recognize that the most important thing we can do to deal with illegal activity online is give consumers a better alternative -- a legal service that they love. That's what lots of companies are now doing, and we hope that ultimately the legitimate marketplace will outpace the illegal downloads."

- Cary Sherman, RIAA (Ironically when Steve Jobs argued against raising prices on tracks recording industry representatives villified him. Talk about irony. Apparently giving consumer demands don't trump industry interests.)

"Twas the week before Christmas and all through the House,

No bills were passed ‘bout which Fox News could grouse;

Tax cuts for the wealthy were passed with great cheer,

So vacations in St. Barts soon would be near;"

-Representative John Dingell (MI-15) speaking on House Resolution 579, which expressed the sense of the House of Representatives that the symbols and traditions of Christmas should be protected.

"I think with a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court, you can't play, you know, hide the salami, or whatever it's called."

-Howard Dean, Democratic Party Chairman, urging President Bush to make public Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers's White House records, Oct. 5, 2005

"Get some devastation in the back."

-Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, to a staff photographer as he posed for a photo op while visiting tsunami-ravaged Sri Lanka

"I am not going to give you a number for it because it's not my business to do intelligent work."

-Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, asked to estimate the number of Iraqi insurgents while testifying before Congress, Feb. 16, 2005

"I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency." --Vice President Dick Cheney, on the Iraq insurgency, June 20, 2005

"You think people can work all day and then pick up their kids at child care or wherever and get home and still manage to sandwich in an eight-hour vote? Well Republicans, I guess can do that. Because a lot of them have never made an honest living in their lives."

-Howard Dean, Democratic Party Chairman, speaking at the Campaign for America's Future annual gathering, June 3, 2005

"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war."

-Pat Robertson, former GOP Presidential candidate and televangelist, calling for the assassination of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, Aug. 22, 2005

"I question it based on a review of the video footage which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office. She certainly seems to respond to visual stimuli."

-Senate Majority Leader and medical doctor, Bill Frist, on the Senate floor diagnosing Terri Schiavo's condition, March 17, 2005. (Ironically, the autopsy found not only that she was blind, but that the portions of her brain that allow for most non-autonomous fuctions such as cognitive functions were dead.)

"I think I may need a bathroom break. Is this possible?"

-President Bush, in a note to to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice during a U.N. Security Council meeting, September 14, 2005

"You are the best governor ever."

-Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers, writing to Texas Gov. George Bush in 1997 on his 51st birthday

"You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that."
---President Bush, responding to a divorced mother of three in Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

"Considering the dire circumstances that we have in New Orleans, virtually a city that has been destroyed, things are going relatively well."

-FEMA Director Michael Brown, Sept. 1, 2005

"Now tell me the truth boys, is this kind of fun?"

- House Majority Leader Tom Delay (R-TX), speaking to three hurricane evacuees from New Orleans at the Astrodome in Houston, Sept. 9, 2005

"Polls show if the election was held today, DeLay would lose to any unnamed Democrat... See that's the problem with Democrats: they do great until they name a candidate."

-- Jay Leno

"Those who enter the country illegally violate the law."
-- President George W Bush, Tucson, Ariz., Nov. 28, 2005

"Did the car scare you? We are all scared of the car tax."

-- Arnold Schwarzenegger, October 31, 2005 in Ontario, California

"I think it's important to bring somebody from outside the system, the judicial system, somebody that hasn't been on the bench and, therefore, there's not a lot of opinions for people to look at."

— President George W Bush, On the nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court, Washington, D.C., October 4, 2005(It was this very mistake that lead to her nomination being withdrawn)

"And Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."

— President George W Bush, To FEMA director Mike Brown who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his job performance.—Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005

"If this is not the person you want on that Supreme Court, all you have to do is tell me so, and do it through any means you want to."

--Rev. James Dobson to God, on his radio show

"It's not the main story of the day."

-- President George W. Bush in a Newsmaker interview with Jim Lehrer on the Newshour with Jim Lehrer referring to allegations that he authorized spying of American citizens.